i know this title might make u wonder.. what kind of hurt that i mean.. not that injured person or what.. just.. my heart... the crack seems like more than before.. and i wonder... what happen once it broken? can i get new one? and if i can where i can get it?

i just can't stop crying now as im at the end of decission.. my grandma keep talking bad bout my mom... ya i know she just stupid to make decission.. and i try to talk it with her already.. so why cant my grandma stop hurting me with those words... why every guy keep hunting my mom but they never appreciate her..? i know it seems like my illness come back... but i dont know why...

just now i just call ai as she ever said that i can call her if i got problem.. and i just cant stop crying..telling her every single of my story... im not begging for symphatize.. but i just hope sum1 hear me... i just hope that i got sum1 to rely on... as my cat died a month ago and i dont know to tell all those story to whom.. maybe kinda weird for u to hear bout me speaking wif those animal.. but i just feel comfort with them.. not like human..they make me nervous... as im gonna faint if they say hi to me...

then i tell ai bout yan.. i think thats the end of our story.. as im seeking for true love.. love that eternal.. as im dead its still alive... not like yan.. he doesnt care bout me... and that makes me remember ai use to told me, there got 2 people.. the pretty one that everyone admire cant find her love as she dont know who really sincere towards her... as the other one with ordinary figure will get true love easily as the one who will be with her are the sincere one and accept you for who u are..

and i hope that im in ordinary one.. but now i dont deserve both as i keep coupling and hope that i can find it soon.. but now im realise.. everytime i fall in love with sum1 that i thought my best friend... and i just hope one day i will get sum1 that just ordinary.. as my mom said.. dont get handsome boyfriend as everyone will adore him.. but i think it would never happen as why should a handsome guy hang out with me?

hey.. i type too much? sorry... oh ya.. if yani read this.. aida really hope u can do shopping with us.. and fasting together... huhu..

just my feeling..

hey.. know what.. when it comes to something that we should make decissions.. and its a big thing.. we need sum1 to hear us.. but im not lucky as others.. coz i didnt have many friend as im anti-social.. that doesnt mean that i dont have any friend.. just in internet.. others know me as a good girl, with high reputation.. and also rumors that im a genius (please dont believe this.. they just make story bout me) of coz i wish for that.. but that wasnt my real face..

i dont know.. many things happen.. and i got too much pressure.. i dont know when it will be end.. and i dont know who i can believe to story all bout what happen.. and i dont have any place to go now.. and its him the only one who came to me asking am i okay..and hes the only one who said he want to protect me and give me a shelter.. there no others.. such a sad thing happen... till i thought.. when i die.. is there still sum1 who will pay a visit at my grave? will they keep praying for me? i dont know.. just let it be since it such an annoying statement.. feel that i dont have dignity if keep saying that..

aww yea.. yesterday i meet nana.. my mom and granny bought them many shirt and dress.. feel sorry for her as 2 month already didnt meet her.. and she still smile at me eventhought she was too sleepy till cant smile to others.. such a weird things.. she dont have mom at5years old.. but never cry... and im the one who dont have dad since 2years old.. why cant i live happily? why i cant smile? and everyone keep asking me to smile without knowing bout me..

im wish there no one like me.. as they might be sick for just think bout sumthing.. that easily faint.. and i wish im more stronger than now.. and now.. im going to think back my decission as i cant run to my friend and asking their opinion.. i should carry this on by myself from now.. no more depending others to help.. as he always said.. dont keep asking ur friend.. as he always want to know every single thing.. and always care for me.. actually im just too scared to make decission.. is it okay? then what will happen next? just wait and see..

oh yea.. i forget.. my mom call me comot.. coz i help her to pluck that mangosteen using galah.. i dont know what others call galah.. its heavy and such a long bamboo..then my mom said.. she just too short than me.. so she used to climb up the tree.. XD cant imagine...

love you all...

actually yesterday me and kuro plan for a movie.. but since harry potter ticket was sold out.. and only got after 1.30p.m. and above.. and ai wish to see it.. but cant do anything as we should see yani at 2.00pm..then we just hangout at McD jusco bukit tinggi.. and our topic about past... about our primary school.. bout our activity... of coz sam were in too.. ^___^

then we plan to pick up sam for karaoke while waiting for 2pm.. funny when i start thinking bout thin incident.. sam told us that she wait at pagar sumthing... then after 1 minute we reach there but no one coming.. then only we realise.. she use her mom phone to call us.. how come she wait us there? haha.. then coz they wish for vip room.. so we still have to wait.. such a long time.. then i already say to them.. should tell yani we can only finish it at 4pm... then only we meet.. but they keep saying.. 3pm no matter what.. now im the guilty one.. coz ai keep replying my message without writting her name.. aiya.. when i read back my message.. im going to explode.. she said ai have to go back b4 5pm.. didnt she know that im not the one who replying her message.. but ai was.. TT~TT

and i lost my mood and everything spoil.. but then our normal mood back as we just plan for sumthng special this year.. i said i wish we had one day fasting together.. then ai wish that we can shopping hari raya together... and sam.. i forgot.. TT~TT . then ai back at 6pm... and my mom pick me and sam after that.. then we hangout wif my mom.. XD

then today.. abg king kong treat us ( me n my bro) for harry potter ticket... hehe.. but we're late... then he treat us for dinner.. actually after movie i wait for him as my bro going to toilet and ask to follow him.. then he ask.. dah makan? then i just nod my head.. he said.. abang baru nak belanja.. haiya.. wrong timing.. but then still go for dinner.. my bro order for me as i didnt order anything.. such a waste, he order for char kuay teow special.... so i still eat although im full and hate the "tauge".. i dont know what others call it.. XD

i cant upload any photo as my pc cant read the usb.. TT~TT . i wish can show all that i have the one that i love... my friend and my bro.. of coz my mom and my granny and grandpa.. and all my brothers as always keep calling me and ask "chi did u take ur medicine for today? u got pressure? and many others.. im afraid too with me myself.. as that sunday i cant breathe like usual.. but then i still can manage my own feeling.. thats why i hate to speak a lot as i might hurt inside... u know what i mean.. dont like to story bout it.. XD

Tragedy,.. lucky or bad charm?

errr.. title? actually i dont have any idea bout it.. so skip from that topic... many things happen.. but dont need to story all as no one will read if too complicated...

yesterday, my bro accident.. but dont worry.. he just cant raise up his hand.. but still can reply ur sms.. for girl out there.. as u know he always get into accident.. but he too mortal to be injured.. XD then his friend come.. and his friend ask.. is it u chi? haha.. why he ask stupid thing? im the only girl in this family and his friend already knew it.. but he still asking that question.. well maybe coz im white as a snow.. (terperasan sudah..) and my bro just like mocha.. XD

well i told u.. my mom banjar.. and my dad thai mix chinese.. thats why im unique.. three ethnics that famous with their voice and face.. XD yea i admit it... (perasan lagi) then i meet my ex step dad... he gave me nokia X2 colour blue and black.. and for my mom nokia E5 white in colour... and my bro got sony ericsson xperia.. crazy meyh.. and im going to sell my old phone.. but i still love my old phone.. still new what.. and still popular now.. TT~TT but my new phone look more fabulous..

well.. actually i guess i will sell my old phone just rm200.. or maybe less.. but depends on that person.. if sam.. i dont mind to give her around rm150.. XD yea i know.. i bought it 600-700.. but i dont mind bout that coz my new phone is for free.. XD

missing someone...

missing in action.. MIA.. XD just kidding around.. actually remember my last entry? i write it at nearest cc right? that time hh on9.. and i said miss him so much.. then he like usual.. "oh terharunya aku" mangkok btol la.. TT~TT but then feel relieved.. coz he back to normal.. i didnt mean alien or what... just b4 this he seem not interested in all topic..

then suddenly i heard sum noise... its him.. clement.. haiyo.. then i said.. didnt u hv school tomorrow? then he didnt ans me.. but he said... seringgit... he still same.. everytime he see me he gonna ask for money.. hmm.. how his SPM this year? XD cant wait...

then what else... yea.. yan.. he send me many mms.. all his hairstyle.. XD hey i never know that his job sumtimes fun.. then he ask me never hide anythng from him.. TT~TT im just too afraid to tell him everything.. then i said bout my phobia.. XD and he said.. he gonna take me 4 flying fox, rock climbing etc... =__= now really  wish that i never told him bout that... but not now la.. he said after we get married.. how come he very sure that im gonna b his wife? oh my gosh.. fate and destiny not in our hand.. thats why i never think bout that.. coz im still afraid everything gonna change.. juz like when im with takiya.. TT~TT

well.. now i really need to eat sumthing.. feel dizzy.. @__@ pasta... here i come.. wait for me..