tajuk please...

err.. ketandusan idea.. well hari ni mood practise BM.. so semalam chi sepatutnya berbuka dengan Ai.. but since pukul 4, chi putuskan pergi ikut mak chi dulu.. kitorang ke kuala selangor.. errr.. not really, sabak bernam kot.. eh ape ek tempat jual cookies banyak tu? haa.. tapi then Ai kata cancel la.. sebab dia tak nak chi rush.. then when we reach there singgah kedai kasut dulu. chi berkenan satu kasut ni, but since hari tu da beli kasut rm50 so batalkan niat.. TT~TT tunggu jadi orang kaya la.. plus kasut lawa2 takde tumit rugi.. sampai kawasan basah habis la kasut tu.. XD

but penjual tu terkejut nampak chi, she ask me, awak bukan cina ke? XD haiya... bukan meyh.. chi mix.. XD well then kitorang pergi cari biskut2... memang murah la, satu bekas tu rm10 je. tart nenas, rosalinda, then almond.. sume la rm10... tapi ade yang klaka... time panggil maklong chi, chi jerit la Along.. then tetibe pakcik yg kire duit tu jerit, sape along? ni die panggil.. XD adoi... rupe2nya orang yang menjual dok terjerit2 tu namanya along gak.. malu la..

then lepas tu beli merapu2 dekat situ, but xsempat pun nak jelajah... sbb da kene panggil balik masak... da la siap sesat lagi... TT~TT nasib baik mak chi hebat memandu, selamba je pancung.. agak bahaya... but xpe la... sekurang-kurangnya ade gak baju untuk raya.. hehe... da la.. sampai sini je.. susa menaip dekat cc..

troublesome...

i hate the way he treat me... just like an enemy u know.. who? who else, its always him.. yan... the other day he pick up with mr alligator... then i ask him bout that.. know what.. suddenly he change and said just go with mr alligator... he know that he's not handsome... hey.. what u mean by handsome? did i ever say i care how u look? i already told him that i dont mind who are they as long they love me and didnt treat me like enemy... but he just keep hurting me... and when i said remove me from his life... he said im d one who wish that so im d one who should remove... and he ask me to keep quiet.. so i just said that everything over as he said i dont undestand... what i reply then? ya i never understand coz im just too stupid to listen everyone heart...

then he post to his wall.. he said he got gf that always back up other guys... other guys? didnt he know im back up everyone.. as long as that person not the guilty one.. why it takes 100 excuses for him to understand me? then he said.. "aku xnak gado ngan pompuan.." so what if im a girl? theres no rule that say im a girl so i would lose.. sorry okay.. us girl got our own good.. and we dont simply said guy like that.. but we can make u down for saying that... and when i said, love can b hate but hate cant b love... then only he said sorry... but then he delete his post... hey.. is that count as an apologize? no i dont wanna count it...

then today..he pick up with kak iza.. why every guy need to pick up with her? especially yan.. didnt he said that he wont pick up with girl? hes not sure what he think.. i dont know how long ill b with him as i hate that kind of man... he should learn to respect others... and stop accusing me that i got other guy... as he the only one who call every single girl as sayang... and i never call other guy with sweet calling.. and i love calling guys sengal.. ^__^ and only hh i can said i miss him so much.. not other guy.. and abang? i call who ever i respect with abang... so i wont call others abang without knowing them better...

hey know what.. when i search my name at google.. i found my school data and everything bout me.. XD and of coz i found a picture of a lost memories.. what pic? the one i used as this article photo.. ^__^ really miss him and all DN... CHU!! u promise to take care me.. now i got nobody to hold my hand and take me for a walk... u r my dog and im ur cat... TT~TT did u forget? of coz la.. and now i know.. yani was right... i always like this.. never appreciate when they with me.. when they go far away.. ill always miss them.. but i cant show it.. TT~TT

<<THE END>>
kelahiran chi adalah satu kesilapan.. kenapa? sebab abg chi akan lebih bahagia kalau chi tak wujud.. yea.. hes not like me.. hes normal.. he got many friend... everyone love him.. he got good job.. not like me... im jobless... didnt have many friends... and im not normal like others.. i cant feel relaxed when with a guy.. i hate being like this... and he keep saying that no one in this house believe in him.. and everyone cares bout me.. and all i do is nothing.. he want to quit from his job and just sleep and eat like me.. then spend all mom money.. didnt he know.. i never wish for this.. and im always be blamed for whatever he does...

when he mad and hurt himself... i always be blamed as the reason of sumthing that im not sure.. everyone just see  their bad side life.. but never see others.. im always pretending that im happy... but... susahnye hidup.. kadang2 chi terfikir juga.. if one day, if it destined that i'll die.. then what happen to my mom? who will take care of her? how bout my grandma..? hope that everyone will took care of them when im not here anymore...

well... im not sure what will happen next... but i think im sure... everytime i try to end my life... it makes me remind bout abg faris.. he used to told me this story.. sebelum kita dilahirkan, allah bertanya, adakah kita kuat or berani untuk turun ke dunia.. kalau kita berani maka lahirlah kita... yang mana tak sanggup hadapi hidup didunia itulah yang gugur.. ^__^ sebab chi dah lahir ke dunia, chi tak patut menyesal biarpun hidup ni adalah satu kesilapan..

ramai yang cakap entry2 chi sedih je... well... cant b helped since chi punya takdir hidup macam ni.. cuma perlu hadapi je kan?

story of me.. XD

ehem2.. sorry didnt have idea.. well.. know what... when i woke up this not early morning anymore... i just do my daily... check my phone and switch on my tv.. as i need to watch my fav game show... but then when i check my face.. i saw blood.. oh my gosh.. TT~TT thats blood come from my mouth.. and it looks fresh + and clot blood.. and what else.. its getting black.. when i touch it becomes red... (actually im too panic... XD) so i just get out from my room and tell my grandma.. shes not too shock... she just ask me to put ice... TT~TT what else? of coz i brush my teeth first.. i'm not raja bersiong descendants.. XD

then my bro keep insulting me.. i dont know why he hate me so much.. today.. im just help my grandma.. as he didnt want to get up.. and its almost time for break our fast... he didnt even get reactions at first.. so i told my grandma... if hes going with this attitude.. one day he will loss his job.. then suddenly he woke up and keep insulting me.. he even said that im no use... and going to kill himself... and keep grumbling.. while im like usual can only listen and cant said anything.. as everyone will put the blame on me..

everyday i keep crying till i cant focus on anything.. when mr alligator ask me about study.. i just can cry, hate myself... im not showing to my friend as they wont understand till they at my position..and everytime they say that i just think it easy they got wrong. i cant study like them... i know this sound weird.. but im paranoid with every single thing...  i cant focus at all.. and i cant breathe like before.. my condition getting worse... and they never knew.. and my mom only said... "u should watch ur meal as since baby all u do is sick" its not what i want... and my bro keep saying.. "adik tu manja.. bukan sakit betul"i wish he was here when im almost dead at my last year school... early last year (im 17th) im almost die when i cant even move my hand.. i cant breathe.. and since that everything change... he just dont know what im going throught.. coz i never mention as i cant stop crying when i remember that moment..

i wish no one will reveal my life.. but that only make me pain inside.. i know when i write this.. sum1 might hear my heart... so it make my burden less.. thank you for reading.. ^___^ life still need my smile.. how i know? coz without me.. 0.00001 of the world wont b complete...