mood = tension + sad

well.. yesterday im just too tension... plus i can see many things that other didnt see... im just too afraid when it come near me... so im just shout dont follow me... but then i realise not only that thing... but also my friend... feel uncomfortable when all thing comes near me... 


then i shout at my friend... i leave them... im not sure what i do... but actually i hope they come to help me... coz i got acrophobia... i thought that my leg wont be useful that time... coz i cant feel my leg anymore... its like paralyzed... and that time i cant control my heart anymore... i just cry as much as i want... worried bout my mom... then remember bout past...

actually when we reach pizza i ask my friend to say that i should not afraid bout past as i didnt do anything wrong... but then she just say im the one who should be blame on... she know bout that... but still ignore my feeling... dont she think her best friend like i do? then i realise... best friend cant b sum1 that u always trust... but best friend should b sum1 that always make u feel calm and always there beside u when u need... 

im just too dumb when i said i love to b friend wif them coz they are good and never said sumthing bad... but then i remeber what i see b4... although my brother friends keep say bad thing... but they always help my bro... when they got call.. they will lend a hand as soon as possible... but i didnt have any friend like that...