kelahiran chi adalah satu kesilapan.. kenapa? sebab abg chi akan lebih bahagia kalau chi tak wujud.. yea.. hes not like me.. hes normal.. he got many friend... everyone love him.. he got good job.. not like me... im jobless... didnt have many friends... and im not normal like others.. i cant feel relaxed when with a guy.. i hate being like this... and he keep saying that no one in this house believe in him.. and everyone cares bout me.. and all i do is nothing.. he want to quit from his job and just sleep and eat like me.. then spend all mom money.. didnt he know.. i never wish for this.. and im always be blamed for whatever he does...

when he mad and hurt himself... i always be blamed as the reason of sumthing that im not sure.. everyone just see  their bad side life.. but never see others.. im always pretending that im happy... but... susahnye hidup.. kadang2 chi terfikir juga.. if one day, if it destined that i'll die.. then what happen to my mom? who will take care of her? how bout my grandma..? hope that everyone will took care of them when im not here anymore...

well... im not sure what will happen next... but i think im sure... everytime i try to end my life... it makes me remind bout abg faris.. he used to told me this story.. sebelum kita dilahirkan, allah bertanya, adakah kita kuat or berani untuk turun ke dunia.. kalau kita berani maka lahirlah kita... yang mana tak sanggup hadapi hidup didunia itulah yang gugur.. ^__^ sebab chi dah lahir ke dunia, chi tak patut menyesal biarpun hidup ni adalah satu kesilapan..

ramai yang cakap entry2 chi sedih je... well... cant b helped since chi punya takdir hidup macam ni.. cuma perlu hadapi je kan?