kelantan!

miss my blog.. XD too many stories to write it off.. hmm.. i think i should talk bout my holiday!! yea.. who say kelantan such a poor state..? thats not true.. i'll go there.. and its not like what im imagine.. hehe.. sorry before this i thought kelantan was a village.. but i see.. there got many technologies, lab.. the only think i want to complaint is.. it was too hot.. and my skins turn to red.. XD and my bro said.. "adik.. naik jerawat" huaaa.. dont say that.. i know.. im allergic according to d weather... 

nasi tumpang

got another thing that surprise me.. actually i thought every girl wearing scarf.. coz i see their children wearing a scarf in their house.. so when they go for shopping they will wear wide and long scarf.. but..... errrrr... they didnt wear it and dying their hair.. so much different than what i thought.. and i make myself look stupid when i try to make my shawl cover all my body... to make i didnt look different with them.. but im still d difference when everyone at there use short scarf n free hair..

and i get excited when i see sheep for d first time.. they looks so cute.. hehe.. then i cant understand many words.. sorry... im trying to learn how to speak loghat.. but its too hard for me.. lain diajar, lain disebut.. and d best thing about kelantan is their food... first time i see nasi tumpang.. i feel awkward.. then i feel like.. can i get another one? hehe... never eat that before.. actually there got many others food... but hard to remember their name.. i stay in hotel at kota bharu.. so that night i go to wakaf che yeh.. actually i got it wwrong.. i call it sumthing different and everyone laugh.. oh please... im learning okay..

some of them are too kind.. they help others  that they dont know.. but some of them looks me like they hate me.. im not too weird right? im still human.. just i didnt looks like malay coz im mix.. so please understand.. im not foreigner.. and i didnt speak anything coz i cant speak kelantan.. if i speak in malay, u guys will reply in kelantanese.. then i cant understand..

but that morning i go to pasar that i dont know what its name.. but everything cheapest.. XD but my sweet r d expensive one.. cant get it cheaper.. and i like that pasar more than wakaf.. why? coz almost all were middle age woman.. and sum of them can b call granny.. know what.. sum of them can speak in english.. great!! XD and they promote me jeruk.. hehe.. and again.. my first time... first time i see setoi.. dont know how to spell.. 

and at there we spend rm2000++ now i know.. when we buy sumthing its look cheap.. but when we count everything.. errrk.. my money!!! i can buy new galaxy tab.. XD haha.. mine still ok.. so better not to buy anything.. save in bank and make investment.. :P

so for kelantan.. when i go there after this.. (cant sure) please.. i want more nasi tumpang.. hehe.. fall in love with that.. 

let me free..

i hate this! why im still crying? what should i do? i have to be brave..let my heart free.. and i should never end up like this.. abg yus said, he think i should go out there.. n futher study.. but i dont know why.. i said, i hate everyone.. they keep hurting me.. when i smile.. they thought im happy.. and always hurt me.. and when i cry.. they laugh coz they're win.. and im the loser..

now they scared wif me.. coz my fear cant be controled anymore.. and i just think bout what i feel.. coz im too afraid being hurt.. if once more time.. i'll be die soon.. my heart cant take it anymore.. its feel so hurt deep inside my heart.. sumtimes i feel.. death will always be better.. im too scared... what happen if i die? im not sure bout the other world.. so ill try to stay at this world.. coz i still afraid to live outside my world.. the world that i create for myself..hmm.. its ok if everyone kinda scared and want to remove me..

thanx to DN.. coz still be wif me.. altought i always scold them.. hey know what.. sumtimes.. i should go out take fresh air.. and should take my medication back.. but still afraid that i might lose all my memories.. i love my mom n grandma so much..im willing to give them any part of my body when they need it..coz they have raised me.. even so im such troubling for them.. sum1 ask me.. do i have to write everything in my diary.. yea.. i wrote it everyday and night.. but lately.. i didnt write anything.. coz i lost my precious... sum1 that i really love... im wishing for him.. stars.. please let me be wif him till the death come to me.. i need one more chances.. i didnt have enough chances..

miserable

hmmm.. now feel like crazy one... so like other day.. i keep accompany my brother.. and yan said he at my place.. and it have been week.. and he said many bad things bout me.. im wif my brother.. and he msg and said boleh berkenalan.. i know its him.. but im not sure what should i do.. then i said.. im single.. but not available.. my heart belongs to sum1 that doesnt belong to me.. if only he know how to read in english... i never said bad bout him.. but he keep insulting me.. and i just too ego to take down my pride..

i've just message wif my school friend.. they too kind.. but i keep avoiding them.. why im always like this? mida show me the real pain.. and i wish i strong enought just like her.. and sam said.. no matter what yan slander me.. she will always believe me.. she know who i am.. but she doesnt know.. i really in love with yan n joey... i wish for both.. they brought me different feeling.. but same meaning.. since yan broke my heart.. i'll choose joey 99%hmmm.. hey.. im not playing with their feeling.. i didnt couple in the same time.. =__=

why need to attack my page? i dont know why he should do that... ill try to be like he said.. but nothing.. and he keep say bad things.. but joey never ask me to do anything i hate... maybe for now.. i just cant think anything.. wanna have break.. nite.. i love him so much.. please say im sorry for make this feeling hard to understand..i wish hes mine.. but hes belong to his family.. and they wouldnt let u wif me..

boredom..

cant sleep.. =___= why its only me who didnt sleep yet? wake for 3days.. then sleep for 3hours only.. am i monster or maybe alien? even monster and alien know their sleep time.. hmmm..

i hate my bro.. i'll help him a lot without saying anything... but he keep talking bad bout me.. and sumthng i didnt do.. hey.. watch ur mouth! im not playing game 24/7 like u said.. i help ur fb game highscore.. and u got no1 from thousand of ur friend.. and when u call just now, im still googling.. searching for kimono shop in malaysia.. i didnt have visa like all of u.. so i cant buy it online.. so please la.. i need to googling.. all my belongings u use without permission... then u just throw it without knowing that was my precious.. i dont wanna talk anymore.. coz u make me sick..


hmmm.. chat with sam, mie and new friend.. we talk bout morning musume.. gazette.. then bout kimono.. XD IDC.. this raya i must wear kimono.. XD

crazy day n my grandma

huh.. why i call it as crazy day? coz last night i didnt sleep coz my mom ask to ready b4 6.30am... we need to arrive ss25 before 7am.. then 7.30am from shah alam to ipoh.. my mom drive 140-160km/h... we need reach there fast... need to check my grandma.. didnt i told u before? maybe i forgot to type that..

actually my grandma got cardiomegaly.. thats mean heart swollen.. (bengkak jantung) when i look at her, i remember the time she raised me until i've got job.. then i moved out and left her.. live with my mom.. just a few month, she fall sick and cant get up.. i really miss the time we play together.. then she teach me how to paint a beautiful flower... every single flower have its own story.. and they cant b separate with my grandma.. shes must b upset since when we grow up, we always busy with our own world...

everytime i see my shirt, my bag.. i remember her.. she used to shopping with me.. she choose my shirt.. sumtime she paid for me.. im alone now... i miss my grandma.. when will u back to our home? now she stay at my aunt house.. at ipoh.. i want to say i love her just like i love my mom.. but i still cant choose any of u.. coz both of u really mean to me...

i miss my grandma..

post in n out.. XD

wow... long time didnt update my blog.. everything change.. and i dont know how to post.. XD actually more sad story than happy ending.. well.. its always happen in ur life.. if u feel sad, just remember ur not alone... im right beside u.. not beside ur BODY... beside ur heart.. coz i cant enter if u didnt open it for me..


its feel annoying when people treat u like u r his/her bestfriend but they dont even know u.. but when others that u believe in, talk bad at ur back.. its more hurt.. believe me coz i knew how it feel..
my love story? im not sure whether i've got sum1 special or not.. in this few months many things happen..


i met sum1 that make my heart race... and when i fall to him.. he let me go.. i cant understand.. who he think he is? hes the one who said will love me.. but just go when i really in love.. and every guy told the same.. but i believe what girl believe.. guy only like u when u got sumthng they want..


anyway enjoy ur day.. ^__^ and hopefully everyone will get their true love.. to my fb friend.. since sum1 try to sabotage me.. i've delete my old fb acc... but dont worry.. i've got new acc.. ^__^


Dance, dance, until I fall asleep I dance
The tears that do not stop.
Every time I close my heart, telling myself that there is nothing there, it is about to wither.
To the dream that has become thin, I sing once more.
If you will answer that sadness is only oneself, 
It's okay if I get hurt

"Good bye" is blooming on the dream that is supposed to end.