feel so hurt...

i dont know!!!! never thought that im still love joey,.. i thought when i remove him from fb, that would stop me from keep stalking his fb,.. coz i already have yan.. and i thought that my feelings toward joey already fade.. so i can pretend not to see him.. why im so stupid... thats not the solution.. i need both.. joey still can be my best friend just like my other ex.. but... im not strong enough to know that hes wif another girl..

first time i sleep at his parent house.. i ask for paper n do this
bird.. till now this bird still alive.. almost 2years..

both of them always ignore me especially joey.. didnt he ask whats wrong wif his head? said he will always love me.. pretending like im d only one.. i hate being stupid.. yan also wif other girls.. why they keep hurting me? i know its my fault.. coz when they ask me who i wanna b wif.. i always said i love both.. im so stupid.. i should forget joey.. i cant lose yan anymore.. coz i know.. althought yan didnt rich like joey, not as handsome as joey.. not mix blood like us.. cant speak english like us.. but yan keep saying.. once he have enough money.. he will propose me.. and hes really sincere..

we know each other from fb... hes older 1year from me.. at first he said hes 47.. so i keep reject him until he said hes actually 19.. first time we met he take me to many place i never seen.. for 2nd date he take me to his parents house.. n he said he wanna marry me infront of his family.. i never though bout that..

hmmm.. joey different.. i met him at 7e that i used to work before.. my manager said, "kenalkan budak baru.." n he said, "hai akak.." i said am i too old? then he say sorry.. hes really funny.. then after week he send me text.. he got my number from list number that we used to call staff.. first time we date..? at my fav burger stall..  then 2nd time he take me out for lunch.. on my birthday this year... thats only our date.. till that, his mom hate me so much...

i wish when we married we will get cute baby like this..
but im not cute like other girls.. but yan always said im
d most cutest girl he ever met.. XD

but yan.. his mom at first didnt really like me.. i know.. any girl nor women didnt like me for first impression.. thats what kuro told me.. im that type.. but everytime i sad.. i just need to draw or write sumthing.. back to sub topic.. yan mom can accept me for who i am.. she ask me to rest till im cover.. she always said, before she married wif yan dad.. she cant cook anything.. but yan dad never complaint.. but now shes a great chef... no wonder la yan never complaint bout my cooking.. but he can cook better than me.. i dont know how to manage fish n meat.. i didnt eat that... TT~TT

now im feeling better.. ^__^ ill b alright for now.. but if u can said something that would b better.. thats mean sum1 hear my heart.. =P but please never told yan bout this. coz i cant lose him anymore.. and im afraid that sumthing bad happens.. coz he said he will always love me.. and i always said.. hes mine.. so i will always be his lover.. =P when we married.. i will invite all over the world... =__= am i over? i dont think he have a big budget..


anyway im not sure tomorrow.. maybe i should not go to dato house.. why? coz my "BFF DAIDAI were TOO BUSY manage her brother friends..." hmm.. but i wanna go tomorrow.. but my mom busy wif her work.. this is the only time i can use driver... dont know if after this i can use him.. XD thats my dad driver actually.. thats why i cant use him.. if only i got driver.. hmmm... but i think i will spend a lot of time hanging at coffee shop.. everyday... not every night...