im hurt inside my deep heart..

i know.. i always pretending,.. even at fb im pretending im happy and everyone like me.. but they dont know... in my real life.. im afraid wif people.. ill try to b strong.. to b just like them.. but always fail... and they always using me in real world...  but they never know.. im always said nevermind but its not what i meant.. ao said since when i can wrote madah.. IDK what madah in english.. but if u malaysian or bruneian u should know.. actually when im still study.. my classmate n roomate always check out my note book.. coz they know where i hide my sketch and poets, n some interesting words.. n boys always tease me.. they will ask.. "are u write about us..?" or can u sketch me.. im not... ^__^

actually thats not the main thing.. im just said.. yan didnt reply my msg.. but hes flirting wif other girl.. and when others said that maybe his sis.. i dont believe it.. coz i know his family.. his sis... hmmm.. im just need sum1 to care bout me.. sum1 that will try hard for me.. sum1 that know what i wish for.. im not asking money.. i just need sum1 that will msg me asking whether im okay or not... and will msg me.. even just 1 msg for a day.. hmm.. know what... i always call yan.. but he didnt pick up.. im always worried.. am i stupid waiting for sum1 that never care bout me? but i cant stop loving him.. no one teach me how.. im just to stupid to understand the meaning of our life.. i know life isnt just about money n love.. there got family n friendship...

i know.. im being stupid n cruel to myself since im wif yan... my family not like others.. they live happily wif their family but im not.. many things happen.. everytime i remember..it seems like happy doesnt belong to me.. but im okay as long as moon, stars n tears wif me.. im okay coz everytime i cry i know.. my tears mean a long life story... the story of a girl that try to b strong.. friends? i got couple of friends.. but i didnt have anyone that i can story everything... kuro always said i cant hide anything from her.. but actually i am.. i always pretending.. n im a good actress..

hmmm... yan? hes flirting wif other girls.. thats maybe coz im stupid.. i never understand him.. but he promise me his life.. IDK.. do all boys use that word to flirt wif girl? i think boys will use that word if he really love that girl... but it seems like he never care bout me.. yan... if only u can read english.. and know my heart hurt bcoz of a guy like u... then only u will believe me.. that i really care n love u... many guys said they love me.. but i know.. they didnt really love me.. they just like the way im talking, walking... n for sure they waiting for me to get in panic.. coz i will speak whatever ithink about n make me look stupid.. then fall coz didnt watch my step..errkk.. but when wif yan i always cry for no reason..