fool girl

im really i know why i keep thinking bout that song.. that is what happening now.. i shud stop my heart from loving other guy..i shud know.. they never love me.. they only want me.. but didnt love me.. i can see.. they already have girlfriends, wife, fiance..  but they told lie.. keep saying no.. when i found out they will say.. they lie bcoz they fall in love wif me.. but im really stvpid believe that words.. if they really love me.. they will tell the truth.. but maybe they r right.. if they told me the truth.. they wont have a chance to know me..

its really hurt now.. everyone keep telling a lie.. i know all my fault.. i shud not believe even its d sweetest lie ever.. i shud not.. i remember how sweet takiya is.. but then he left me.. then bout that psycho guy.. yan... he willing to kill everyone just to own me.. idk.. till kuro said.. cant i have normal boyfriend.. yea.. i tot its gonna b ok.. why all of them keep promise me.. i dont want any promise.. all of u keep breaking that.. u too ariel.. u broke it.. today u said it urself.. how i never understand u.. n u dont want me too.. u can tell from d start.. so it wont hurt me like this..

why its easy to fall in love.. but hard to get rid it? i really need space.. but i dont want lose u too.. call me whatever u want coz u d one who dont understand us.. u shud know.. when u say love.. its will effect girls heart.. n u cant simply blame me or her coz not understand u.. u know how hard for me to say i love u to a guy? im not like her.. she can say i love u infront other.. she cant repeat it many times.. but i cant.. looks like im tough, brave n strong.. but im not.. im really shy.. but i try to not show it.. i cry every night.. if only u know how hard for me to survive for another day..

u really mean.. u run away when we start to fight.. is it fun? i know u never love me.. coz u didnt fight for me.. n i know u never broke up wif her.. its all just a lie right? n d most hurt.. u lie saying u miss me n really love me.. coz i really wish this is d last.. im really stvpid keep hunting love.. coz i know my love wont find me.. maybe that idiot already die somewhere.. so i left without love..

everyone always said.. u lucky coz have pretty face.. but they dont know.. ppl wif beauty face hard to find true love.. coz everyone only love their face.. everyone keep saying.. u lucky coz born in rich family.. but they dont know rich kids cant have true friend n love.. coz almost everyone hunting for their money.. and everyone keep saying.. u lucky coz u popular.. but they dont know.. many ppl will envy n jealous if u popular.. n they will make anything to see u down..

lately i got problem wif my mind.. i always forgot everything.. and today i dream.. kuro have boyfriend n will get married.. she looks diff.. n more soft.. but im jealous n try to steal her bf.. coz i dont want that guy take her away.. but that guy ignore me.. n kuro still think im nice.. in my dreams.. im really bad.. coz try to end my bff relationship.. what happen if kuro married n forget bout me? please stay.. i dont know whom shud i rely on when ur not around

3 march 2013

yesterday i hang out wif kuro, her mom n her sis.. then me n kuro go karaoke.. i really sing it loud.. coz too stress.. my grandma sick.. more worse than b4.. but im drunk coz nescafe + milo = neslo.. really tired now n want sleep.. but i cant coz ariel really make me hurts..

he said he love me.. he said he dont want lose me... but all thats just a lie.. he wif his gf.. he said ex.. but all those girls admit they r ariel gf.. stop telling a lie.. i told u many times.. please stop telling a lie.. yea coz im stvpid right? u call me stvpid.. i admit that for sum1 who dont even know me.. if im categorized as stvpid.. then other ppl are d most dumb n foolish person? is that so?

is it really fun playing wif my heart? well i might b stvpid.. but i have heart too.. u keep promise... but i know u just say it.. u didnt mean it... i keep type n delete.. looks like i lost my words..
today my bro mad coz his game.. and im really stress.. so i just said to ariel.. im not in mood.. need space.. but we start to fight.. and then im so stress.. so i do stvpid things.. but ariel kill me non stop.. im really mad.. he say im pissed him.. n really annoying him... he call me stvpid.. selfish.. yea.. ur lover CHARM sure happy read that..

i already say sorry but u keep mad at me.. hey u know what? we really not meant together.. i think so.. coz u cant answer me.. my simple question.. "IS THIS D END?" im too stvpid to understand it.. so what if im crying now?u only can pretend like u care n love.. but u dont know anything.. kuro!!! please.. lets go out tomorrow.. i really need to release tension.. but i dont think i can karaoke after all this.. u know.. ariel love music too..

hey.... u already end it right? u delete me.. that enuff to say u end all this.. and our country will set war? u know ur ppl killing 2 vat police malaysia.. u know my dad really busy coz that.. im not racist.. but my parents really mad bout that.. my dad say really hard to train commando.. but they dont know too.. i really mean it when i told them bout u..

but too hard... my head really hurt..feel so heavy.. what will happen next? will this end like this? please tell me.. dont ask me.. im too stvpid to answer that.. i need answer.. KURO!! help me.. i know u will mad at me n say " told u, dont fall in love wif that guy! but how many times i said that u wont hear" yea.. but please atleast just said that word.. i know i wont hear u.. but ur words will effect me.. atleast i know.. sum1 still beside me no matter what happen.. no matter what my past.. no matter what my future.. u promise that right kuro? i only have u.. who know every part of my life.. i wish i can tell others.. but im too afraid..

why my heart feel so hurt? mom.. im sorry.. love u mom.. i wish i can hug u now mom.. tok.. please keep eat ur medicine.. >_<
im really tired now.. wake up in d morning.. then go to workshop check out my granpa car.. then visit my grandma.. n send toksu back.. yea..then when reach home.. ariel keep mad n sulking wif me.. n qbayy didnt online..

when i visit toksu house.. its really hurt me.. see this hen didnt go wif other.. still sitting there.. didnt move.. didnt eat almost  a month.. i know coz it didnt move.. n when we move it, it will cry n mad.. losing all her egg sure its really painful.. see other hen wif their kids... then we do bbq.. many cats try to steal it.. >_< wew.. wait there.. still hot.. after that taking bath at river..

but maybe too tired.. i didnt enjoy like b4.. keep sleeping in car.. n when reach home i open my id just to see him.. but nothing.. ariel keep say im wif qbayy.. hey.. he didnt online.. n he say i always wif qbayy when hes not around.. am i? ok im sorry i lie.. i love qbayy too maybe..but coz he already married.. i start to avoid him n try not to see that.. i know it will hurt d one who near me.. but its too hard.. i really want ariel in same time.. coz i fall in love wif him at first.. b4 i know his game..

he said hes hurt coz me.. then im more hurt wif his game.. okay let me tell u.. UR EX at ur fb relationship? wow.. so close u r still can call each other baby.. n can say both of u will get married.. then ur charm..she still say both of u will get married soon.. wow.. how many girls u gonna married now? i tot u said in ur country only allow u to marry wif 1 girl.. and u said if u can marry 4 u still dont want right? now whos really hurt? me or u? its really mean..

i told u.. 1 step will change everything.. 1 step u flirt me.. u know u will lose ur 2 gf.. maybe u got more.. n 1 step more u really melt my heart.. but not anymore.. u keep hurt me.. i really miss that old time..when everyone just stranger.. n i cant remember who they r..

im sorry my dear.. but like other said.. we cant b together.. how can i make ur wife sad? if im hurt by knowing other ppl wif my lover.. how she feel when know his husband cheat on her? its really stressed me out.. why i cant get normal relationship.. when theres no fighting.. no tri-love.. im not pretty like other girls.. im not kind like others.. why all of u need to say love me.. im not wishing for that.. i just want sum1 that will love me till im die.. sum1 that will take care of me n we will grow old together.. sum1 that always make me calm.. really tired now..