im so bad.. only remember my blog when didnt play game.. yea.. i try to quit back..why? coz theres sum1 that i really love but.... its a forbidden love.. i know im bad.. just think whatever u want.. he already married n have a son.. n his friend said his wife so pretty.. before he propose me infront his friend.. but i know it just a joke.. but its really hurt.. yea.. love not only words.. love not only spend time together.. but love... we need to sacrifice to get love.. i dont know when he said im d only one can make him cry n he think he do love me joke o thats his feeling..

i remember first i tot he is a girl.. coz his char in game girl... but then he is a boy.. n a bit annoying coz keep ask many things.. n he always talk how great he is.. yea.. that was before.. dear.. can u treat me like im d only one.. n im your princess for only 1 day?? i hate it when see u talk wif other girls politely.. but when wif me.. we keep mad at each other n end up wif fighting all over..

remember when u write my fb status at world chat?? again n again, over n over... yea.. love that kind of words.. i didnt use formal english like others.. its too weird if u talk like in book... dont have expression.. thats y i like chat wif karen n charm.. they use english like me.. so easy to talk..

u know when i ask u fight wif me.. n i didnt attack u coz even it just a game.. i still cant kill u.. its hard to fight wif my own feeling.. i dont want see ur blood nor ur dead.. i would rather die than killing u.. thats why i ask u to kill me.. end all my suffer... too many people say love till i dont know which is true love.. but u.. u never told me but i dont know why i waiting for u.. n u said ur wife same like me... always sulking.. easy to get jealous n really love u.. im too slow to hide my own feelings.. everyone can see how much i love u.. i hate when got girl just like me... coz she always hurt herself.. please dont say anything bout her.. its make me more miserable.. im really bad

MrB call me past few days.. he said dont leave him.. n his condition worse lately.. am i bad??  since he know me few months ago.. he start to sick... im not d kind woman which u call angel.. n im not pretty like angel.. u can get anyone u like.. many girls hunting u.. why must me.. please dont say love me anymore..  i dont want anyone hurt.. im not deserved for anyone.. i just need a guy that never threat me wif stupid thing... never touch me even my hands (MrB never touch me.. ) never think im really2 bad.. n never mad at me.. slowtalk i mean.. d one who never say im bad luck.. itd not like i wish everyone around me su wei.. yea.. got guy say im bring bad luck.. but if thats true.. why my friend still get their happiness??

almost forgot.. gratzz to my beloved sis.. she already enggaged.. cant wait d wedd.. =3 seeing her smile make me happy.. n that guy sweet too.. when first storm do their work.. d first thing i see.. he looks at my sis wif a smile.. but my sis didnt notice it.. coz we know sis afraid wif thunder...

dumb girl

long time didnt update any story.. why my title like that? coz thats me.. how stupid i am... before as u know i play MMORPG..then already quit 2weeks ago.. last night my bro ask to play while he in other guild.. qbayy try to pursue me.. coz today we will merge again.. today S20-S21 will merge wif us S22-S23..

but last night bcoz of my stupid react.. everyone know i really love him.. im too shock.. all this while he never told me.. he already married n got son.. i dont know why suddenly feel so hurt.. he should tell me earlier.. all his fault.. pleaase tell me all his fault!!! he already know i fall in love wif him.. he should tell me earlier.. not keep using love words till i really cant b helped.. yea.. i love him n all his love word.. saying that he found a girl that he need... but all thats just a lie.. he really trick me..

he said thats d only way to get know me better.. to help me.. but thats not solution.. thats disaster.. yea i know before im too negative.. but when he beside me.. he turn my world.. now i know why he keep asking me search the right guy in my real world.. he cant bear seeing me cry when i already found out all this.. i check his pic.. why im so stupid.. didnt notice that ring..

he a bit mad when he ask me doing what, i said flirting wif peys.. he doesnt like me wif peys o lhei.. but he keep asking me to find anyone.. its all his fault.. why he said yes when i ask.. he should say no.. jas told me.. im too good to b mistress... so just forget him.. but i cant.. i really did... i did fall in love.. u all i need.. he doesnt know.. yea.. i know that come from our fav song.. just change it a bit..

wuaaaa.. im so shy now.. everyone pm me dont b sad.. must b charm told everyone i love him.. now i know who d only one he told i love u.. why its so hard? hes not too good.. plus many guys will do anything for me... why im always like this.. please dont say u love me when ur not.. please dont talk like u my lover.. but let me call u my pet.. n im still ur "MY DEAR"... maybe its hurt.. but i cant bear seeing u wif anyone else.. so let me keep this feeling till i found my new sum1... today merge.. plus peys said will buy capsule gender.. n myth say but break up pledge.. so i should think forward.. many guy will do anything..

asssss... dont ask me.. n all.. sorry lagi galau.. erk.. galau is bahasa indo.. i learn it from him.. so please.. im still malaysia.. just im too great.. can use many language.. philipines also can try.. got many friend there.. =3 they still human.. no need to say that country bad, that country nice.. coz thats our country.. everyone see our country bad coz ppl in that country.. so please dont start a war.. coz i fall in love wif ur ppl from ur country.. but bcoz of some ppl that keep mention different.. we cant b together.. is it important whether u malay, china, india, indo, philipines? is it important if u rich o poor? dont have car, dont have house..? ok better stop.. u wont read all this.. i know..

stupid feeling

such a long time didnt update my blog.. all coz busy playing MMORPG.. geez.. im back to online game... what game? Crystal legacy.. yea.. at first i join only few ppl from my country.. n most conquered by indo player.. they keep donate money.. till b strong..

then said wanna stop but keep playing.. n i start to forget my real life.. n i know.. i fall in love again.. why i always like this.. easy fall in love.. his char still a girl.. but he never understand me... i dont need anything.. i just want he see me d only one.. is it hard? i know.. it just a game.. before got player ask me date i used to say, this just a game.. dont b serious..but now im d one who feel like dummy..

i feel alone now... no friends.. no more lovers.. yan propose me before.. but i reject him.. am i stupid? i always want but why i reject him? its weird.. im not d one i used to b.. i already forget what d meaning of life.. just wanna die.. im too weak to move alone.. hey remember when a moon cry.. stars will come n wipe moon tears? but i didnt see that star.. maybe im lost at d end of world.. which no stars.. which no living things...

my heart.. its hurt back.. just like when joey say he love me.. why its always like this.. is it really hurt when someone take ur heart away? i dont know.. why keep saying love.. i cant reply all of u.. i cant chose... yea.. lately peys nice to me.. i remember first we met his pet kill me.. then i said want quit.. i thought hes a girl.. he actually a nice guy.. since that day.. he keep saying "shiro cinta hati peys" ya.. i like that words.. sweet.. but i cant say no to qbayy.. even just in game.. i know i like him..yesterday he ask me.. whether i love him o not.. like usual i said.. no this just a game.. but i like all.. then he start sulking.. yea i lie.. i like him more.. but i hate this feelings...

tonite? yea me fight wif qbayy again.. this time coz i got stupid bro! i hate all of them.. they leave me.. nevermind.. i know im strong.. i can do alone.. im not crying,,im just too tired..but i really mean it.. i love u my dear.. but youre not mine.. n im not urs..n we got diff country too.... my friend wont allow me dear.. i really love u..

a week~~

i dont know whether all realize that im not posting anything... n why only now im update.. yea.. im enjoying my new game..n my new life.. but only a week.. hmmm... im glad that they r my friend.. even when im being bullied by others.. they come to save me... which one i should story first??

first im playing.. i dont know any1.. n im scared of them... 2nd day deadmen n lhei keep flirting me.. 3rd day qbayy flirt wif me too.. but his characters is a girl.. OME~also got babycee, charmaine, bohsiakampong, uchiha, k4k4shi, basarasengoku, killer7, theMyth, rainman, umbrella... n also izanagi @ enlil.. i didnt mad at u dear even u kill me.. i mean it.. ^__^ i really miss u guys.. killer7 sing for me shirobella. XD u know that song?? dia.. shirobella.. lambang cinta.. yg lara.. terpisah kerana adat yang berbeza,.. yaa.. we got different adat n country.. but we still unite.. all of them got malaysian, indonesian, philipines..... n argentina... my cute fer (izanagi)...

qbayy first.. he said he play female char.. coz everyone will help female char.. =__= n he never know will fall in love wif me... now he regret.. he can change his gender.. but need 1200MC... dont know how much it cost..  we all keep saying d same thing when he said he love me.. change ur gender first! XD then he said.. he will marry me in real life.. O.O weuw.. sweat.. r u serious qbayy??but he really kind.. cant resist him.. he search d best equipment 4 me.. n when im being bullied,.. he come to slay that scaredy cat.. n in arena last night.. he accidentally kill me..then he give me link to kill him back... when i OTW, im killed by his team.. he come to my base just to die in my hand..we go AB together every night.. only 2 of us.. >////<

then lhei.. hes from philipines.. but live in malaysia.. can speak malay.. so he always call me sayang.. last night he ask me.. "will u marry me.. im not rich.. but ill do it 4 u if u want" =__=" then he shout to world he really love me n wanna marry me.. deadmen.. he already have wife/gf.. but keep joining qbayy say love me.. basara got 2wife.. also like my bro now... n ferr~~ ithough he still 18 or younger than me.. he 21 now.. he pm me last night.. saying he really love me the way i am... b4 i play dat game.. everyone do their job.. only shout for buying or selling.. but now keep playing like a big happy family.. really? i love u 2 ferr.. but how dare u kill me!!

in real life?? yea.. i met afy in fb.. nura bf bestfriend... i call him afy~ cute name right? hes playing football at ipoh n got restaurant lorh~ im hungry now.. hes too late.. if only we met earlier..maybe ill b his future wife.. d(e__e)b just kidding.. mrB still need me.. i cant c him down.. whenever i scold him.. i know his stress but trying to control..  hes not well now.. fever maybe.. he always doing his best.. i knew it.. i should not fall in love wif afy now.. afy.. we should stop saying, kalau lah awak muncul lebih awal.. we should not!! im wif sum1.. u still single.. u should enjoy it.. u cant enjoy that moment once u b my bf..

nura.. r u ok dear? remember.. stop thinking bout fb.. u should wait till everything ok..9she dont know my blog, thats y im going to write her name) sorry nura.. =P Afy said, u try to call him afy but he said.. only me can call him that.. is that true?? hehe.. mrB.. im sorry.. dont worry.. i wont fall in love wif other till u said u really hate me.. ill try... thx mrB love u.. qbayy.. stop jealous.. if u jealous.. please change ur gender..
why i always  check his fb..? i meant yan... i hate to see his name still in relationship with my 2nd fb acc... but if  he remove our relationship.. maybe it will hurt me more.. yan, do u really love me? care bout me? but why did u left me? sorry. i know i was mean to u.. n now.. i cant b like before begging for ur heart.. im wif mrB..

mrB? he treat me well.. just like a princess.. but i dont know how long it can last.. hmmm... now im boycott my fb.. XD why?
  1. i always stalk his fb everytime i on9...
  2. my neighbour n yan fought at my wall..
  3. im afraid one day when he wif other girls.. i would cry in front of him..
OMA~~ im wif mrB now.. so please stop thinking bout sum1 that never believe in me!!! sum1 that accused me for sumthing that i didnt do... i know its my fault.. when they said they love me n i said wanna b friend.. i know i should avoid them.. but FYI... i cant hate them just bcoz u feel jealous towards them... i call everyone sayang when im mad.. when i try to teach them.. n i didnt call u sayang coz u got sumthng that i didnt call others!!!

okay.,.. what else? yea.. i see kuro update.. =__=" jealous wif her english,, i wrote this blog like diary that i didnt write anything.. but kuro punya ayat macam english novel.. XD ao? yea i did see her blog too.. comment? no im afraid to comment anything~~ just kidding..

my story la..

 my story

im not in mood.. actually i wanna update after few days im dissapearing myself.. but.. when i check my fb... i dont think i wanna open back my fb.. can i use bm today? ok this is my blog n im allowed...

yan marah dengan post chi yang cakap "ingat cik panda sorang terluka........."  im hurt too.. n die marah macam2 dekat jiran sebelah chi.. sebab status tu jiran chi cakap nampak die merempit dekat kawasan rumah chi... hmmm... chi xbleh balik dekat yan.. sebab die minta putus bukan sekali dua.. da masuk 30 kali tu bukan nye normal.. memang betul, what u do u will get back..sebelum dengan yan, chi asyik patahkan hati lelaki.. tiap kali orang luah perasaan chi selalu cakap chi dah nak mati... takde masa nak bercinta.. and now.. chi dah hampir mati sebab bercinta.. chi xbenci cinta.. but chi benci diri chi yang tak mampu jujur cam dulu...

yan always said that he had never known me before.. yea.. i always pretending.. pretend to b sad n wanna sum1 ask me what happen.. but no one ask.. =__=" but when im really sad n had a problem.. i always smile.. n cry.. but no one know what it means... they just take it easy.. n say, thats her schizo come again.. so what if im schizo girl.. im not mad at all.. but its really hurt me,..

adoiii.. malas pulak nak translate ayat diatas ke bm.. =__=" mrB said what ever happen he always there for me.. but mrB pernah cakap, once i choooooooose yan, he will leave me..n im realise.. i cant lose him too.. fik ade tanya..
"kenapa kau pilih die.. kenapa kau couple dengan die tak nak couple dengan aku"
my answer juz.. "sebab dia ajak couple.. fik tak ajak pun"
"kau suka dia betul2 ke main2..?"
"mula2 main2.. tapi xtaw la cm dah suka..  kenapa?
"macam mana kalau dia tinggalkan kau, dia mati ke ape ke?"

"mula2 terbiasa dengan die di sisi.. tapi dah lame2 terjatuh hati.. tapi biarlah dia tak tahu sebab mana la tahu macam fik cakap, kalau dia tinggalkan chi, xkesah la couple dengan ex die ke.. paling tak biarlah die tak tahu perasaan chi.. sebab chi tak nak rasa sedih sebab seseorang yang bukan milik chi.. lagi pun dia takkan rasa bersalah sebab tinggalkan chi.. bagi die, die xde makna buat chi.. walaupun dia sangat bermakna.."

then xsempat nk panjang lagi.. mrB da balik dr toilet n nk gayut fon ngan chi.. domo arigatou.. sbb fik and mrB sudi nyanyi banyak2 untuk chi malam tu.. (da pagi da pwn.,.) dr pkol 12-5pg duk gayut... XD macam2 lagu ade.. diorang de gak suruh nyanyi.. tapi chi mana rety nyanyi dkat laki.. huhu..

anyway.. smlm g mandy air terjun.. best sangat.. XD coz ary isnin kan.. tak ramai la.. banyak ruang privasi.. then g shopping.. hehe.. dpt new gown.. well.. like all of u know.. chi da xpkai la sluar2 jeans ni... fit sgt smpai xleh jalan... so korang boleh la mintak klau nak.. ikutkan hati nk bagi dai2.. tapi die mesti xmuat kalau chi da rase fit.. XD skunk gadis melayu tak berapa nak akhir.. insyallah tengah kumpul baju kurung plak..

sore throat...

huhu.. sakit tekak.. tak berhenti batuk muntah daarah.. TT~TT last night my friend call me n said ur voice like nuri.. how dare he said me like that.. huhu.. yea he really nice.. but dont know why he still not married.. maybe waiting for the right one~~

then after tired msg wif mr B.. i ask him to call me.. he really worried bout me when keep hearing my cough.. sorry.. i told him im ok.. but he didnt believe me.. not like yan.. everytime i told yan im not well.. he will said.. when i go to ur house, u r fine n plz dont b childish... im still hurt.. mrB said "my mom send her regards.. XD n my aunt said ur cute.." domo arigatou~~ **blushing**

his mom ask him where did he met me.. n he said its a secret.. ok fine~~ i know its not normal thing.. just like when i met yan in fb.. ok3.. what should i write now? hmmm.. yan keep spying me.. how did i know? my neighbour said, she saw him... ok fine.. i hate to say this.. but please remember what u told me before.. u will never believe me.. even if i die.. u will never believe n u never know me.. n u feel glad.. happy.. if im not here anymore.. u will make party if i die! dont u remember? try to remind it.. i wish u see this post.. no matter what.. sum1 tell him my blog links.. i wish he read this.. opppss... sorry.. i almost forgot that u cant even write in english... n how can u understand my fail english?

please stop hurting my heart

i admit.. its all my fault.. coz too stupid.. its not ur fault.. sorry yan.. everyone said ur d bad one n i should not ask u to forgive me.. but its me who always said bad things  bout u.. n bout the picture in disco.. he said.. its all from google.. n he didnt go out wif any other girls.. i didnt check google yet.. coz im too afraid to know what really happen.. he the one who left me.. he should not!!!

now im trapped in this situation.. i love yan.. but i cant leave mr B just like that.. its really hurt.. i cant take it anymore.. i wish for yan.. but im too afraid if he will leave me again... 30 times he left me.. just imagine how stupid i am.. i miss him.. i really miss him.. but i should stop hurting myself... wuaaaaa!!! how if they met each other and began to fight..? Mr B said he would not fight back if that happen.. but i know yan will beat him no matter what.. yan never think before do anything..

mrB.. u just tooooooo sweet for me.. my cotton candy.. my strawberry.. but i still cant forget yan.. how long will u wait..? I'm afraid you're gonna hurt.. but just dont leave me.. no matter what.. coz i cant go back to yan.. or i might hurt again.. anyway.. know what.. mrB said he want to buy couple ring for me.. but better not i said.. coz i didnt wear that things.. =__=" then he said, how bout couple watch.. watch huh? i cant wear it too.. the one that bubus (bos) love to wear.. XD n when he reach home he will msg me.. "eqa, mie teramek jam eqa" XD hehe.. 

back to story.. then mrB ask.. how bout teddy bear.. errrk... yea i want it!! but better not.. i know.. every guy couple wif me or ask me for a date coz they want my money.. but yan never ask my money.. mrB? dont know.. we never go for a date.. =P

post by post.. day by day...

how many days i didnt update? its ok la... doesnt matter right? plus im not MIA~~ just got sum (some = my shortform la~~) prob... so many things happen in this few days... first.. yan change his fb password... n i know what it meant... i already see that pic... he hangout at disco, wif other girls... n drunk.. n yesterday he send me msg... he said im d reason why he back to his old life... n he really hate me.. he said, he will throw his phone if i didnt give the right answer he wanna hear..

yesterday.. i hangout wif kuro.. plus this is d 3rd day i didnt have any voice... XD first we hangout at pkns, pas n sacc... from 12pm-2pm.. XD that time i got my voice back... so mrB said.. hey.. da ok pulak suara.. XD then back to kuro house... then i got msg from my family.. my bro injured coz sum1 beat him up... i walk from kuro house till my grandma house.. its hurt me.. stupid jaja.. he told her bro.. my bro ask him to do bad things.. hey!! its u d one who wanna do it.. i know my bro.. forget that..

then kuro back to my house... coz at night, we need to go to open house.. that not really house.. =___= itu khemah la!!! bkn rumah terbuka!! okay finee~~ but dorang asyik kutuk suara... wuaaa.. wuaaa... ape la suara ni.. before we go.. lagi la kelam kabut.. disaster in 1 sec.. XD know what? suddenly i lost my voice.. n i wear pink kebarung.. but mrB said to kuro.. ask shiro to change her clothes.. wear blue colour baju kurung.. hey!!!! i didnt have any.. so i just wear my jubah.. how dare he ask me to change in last minute.. he didnt say it earlier... woaaaa... mr B... said at first.. he will come wif his friend.. so they gonna b 3.. but then kuro ans.. sum1 yell.. n i know there only one guy that will shout.. fik!!! XD

they said they come wif kancil.. actually not.. its new saga.. wuaaa.. so stupid la u guys... ok.. yea im not feeling well.. coz i always got vision.. n i see kuro in my mind.. its hurt me... i know sumthng make kuro feel anxious.. they're ok.. but not their friends.. ok sori.. but thats what i feel.. then fik n d other boy.. keep asking.. "Kuro, did u have bf.." XD kuro so cute la u... since kuro said she already wif sum1 else.. fik make a joke.. asking mrB to flirt kuro n let him b wif me.. =__=" why suddenly im involve in this things??? but i like mrB answer.. gf cant b bluetooth or infrared.. n he wanna make me his wife.. XD cant b bluetooth? yea sure.. thx mr B~~

we reach home at 12pm.. no plus minit or second.. good job.. XD erk.. mrB drive ok.. so never think anything.. ^__^ anyway thx 4take me out... domo arigatou~~
why im so stubborn? i should stop loving him.. yesterday he mad at me.. he ask for my fb email n password.. i told him.. its auto sign up.. but he didnt believe me.. i told him.. kuro d only one know my password... n he call me stupid *****.. i told him... all my email, my friends email, n yan auto sign in..

B said he really like me.. but i cant love him like yan.. maybe coz hes not my type.. he treat me well.. but yan know how to attach me.. hmmm..i dont know.. i should end my story wif yan.. coupling for 30 times.... n only last for 2 days.. we already broke up for 30 times...

my heart.. why its so hurt... mr B.. sorry even he leave me again n again.. i still cant say i want 2 b wif u... i know.. i already made promise that i wont leave u.. but i didnt mean it... u know i had a fight wif him right? but once i promise even thats not what i want... ill do that.. thats better right? u said i should let the happiness find me right? n u promise will wait till i forget yan... yan didnt love me anymore.. everything wrong.. even how i dress up seems wrong to him.. i cant wear like his scandal or "ADIK ANGKAT".. for me adik angkat n scandal got same meaning.. coz still calling others bf as abang..

yea.. his sis? hmm.. wearing sumthng that really short n some didnt wear anything... is that adik? u call me stupid.. how bout u? calling "CYUNK" wif all girls.. flirting here n there.. then say.. no la.. thats my friend gf.. what ur stupid friends gf calling u abang sayang? hmmm... do u really love me yan? u never believe in me.. everything i do.. just make me look stupid.. i know im not pretty or sexy nor cute.. but thanks for leave me 30 times...

know what..? i hurt many people bcoz of u.. i keep all secret by myself.. n its like im gonna die.. but kuro n Mr B said.. no matter what.. they will never leave me... n i do believe in kuro.. but mrB... a guy will leave a girl once that girl said.. i love sum1 else.. am i right? coz that his promise.. B said.. he will stay as long as i still love him.. but i didnt love him... IDK!!! help me.. im dying just to b wif yan that never appreciate me..

kekuro chachan

i miss him so much.. but hes not mine anymore.. i should stop.. but i keep remembering him... just now i got call from sum1 that need my statement bout yan.. sory.. i wont give it whatever u gonna do.. i didnt mind.. n if u threatening me.. i can report u back ok..

hmmm... then kuro.. terharu gile la.. she call me just wanna ask.. "are u ok? i just read ur blog.." OMA~~ yea.. im not really ok.. coz u my real BFF! when i hide sumthing.. u know it.. but u keep acting like u dont know anything!! i hate u kuro!! i hate u so much coz u really understand me.. i hate that i cant lie to u... u my bff... from d day i meet u till d end of our life...i really cant hate u like i told u.. TT~TT i should not keep any secret from her.. coz she always know what happen.. she just need me to tell her first..

thx kuro.. keep calling me today.. i know u reading my blog.. so i just wanna say "jangan perasan ok.. i hate u.. =P" hmmm.. but u know kuro.. i really love yan.. i think so.. but i cant go back wif him.. i hope so..
i feel so distressed... just like gazette said.. distressful and coma.. im going to coma in just a while.. what happen? should u ask? yea u should coz i didnt story it yet.. i know i should straight to the point...

actually..yan and i... broke up... for 29 times.. i hate to say this.. coz we cant get along anymore... hmmm.. its ok.. thats mean we're not mean for each other.. kuro.. daidai.. i wish both of u here.. like im still innocent kid... like i never get serious in love.. when i still hate boys..

hmm.. i really love yan.. i knew that.. but i hate him in the same time.. coz my bro hate him.. they always fought.. n i cant stop remembering.. the words he will take my mom blood and pour it at ...... i cant say it.. i really hate to say it.. coz i really love him.. i do.. i wish he is the last one.. but hes not.. B said he will accept me no matter what.. i msg him just now.. i said.. i dont wanna live anymore.. i wish to end my life.. but B make me laugh.. he said.. if i dont stop crying.. i will have beard.. then being a goat.. how dare.. TT~TT but then he ask.. "dah mndy ke blom?" XD then he say im stink.. ok fine.. i already take my bath.. so u cant call me stinky..

he ask me whether i wanna b his partner... his cousin (fik) will b witness.. then fik really wish im wif his cousin.. b4 this he said im stupid coz still wif yan.. hmmm.. i dont know.. i really do love him.. but he really mean.. i wish for him.. but he choose to leave me forever...

crazy love

hmm.. i never thought everything gonna change.. yesterday i remove joey... then at midnight.. i've got call from stranger.. he ask can we b friends.. then only i know.. fik.. =__= how stupid are u.. giving my number to ur cousin.. but thats ok... coz i forgot his name.. dont tell him.. so i used him as SS.. XD  SS call me using his number till his last credit without know sumthng.. he can use super savers.. =__="

then he call me using fik number..  then he topup and call me till 4am.. IDK how much credit it cost.. coz at 3rd time call.. he forgot to use supersavers.. actually fik scold me yesterday.. he said.. i should find sum1 better than yan.. actually i forgot to tell him im back wif yan.. plus today fik say sorry coz give my number to SS.. actually i didnt mind.. coz SS make me laugh all night.. XD i didnt cheat my fan ok.. i already told SS n A (my fb friend) that i got yan.. but they keep saying that they really love me n if yan leave me they will take yan place.. they got similarity.. 3 of them like the way i talk.. but i really hate the way i talk.. like a kid.. keep giving fact that i read from sumwhere n story bout disney, sanrio and bandai.. =__= and my habit words.. they keep saying that im different..

ok fine.. not every girl have the same sense.. n i already told them.. they got good job, and they can find sum1 better than me.. sum1 that cute, that really love them.. n the most important.. sum1 that not others girlfriends.. SS really touch my heart.. he keep saying he will wait no matter what.. IDK how to stop him from loving me.. it might hurt him.. im stuck.. i dont wanna hurt any1 like before.. its enough.. if sum1 need to b hurt.. let it b me.. im too afraid sumthing will happen.. yan said.. he change a lot bcoz of me.. so i cant leave him althought he flirting wif other girl..

i hate this feeling.. im hurting everyone.. not only them.. maybe other girl.. that really love them.. im sorry.. i hope my life would end so no one will get hurt.. im NOT pretty.. and i NOT perfect.. so please.. leave me.. i cant b wif u guys while yan still need me...

feel so hurt...

i dont know!!!! never thought that im still love joey,.. i thought when i remove him from fb, that would stop me from keep stalking his fb,.. coz i already have yan.. and i thought that my feelings toward joey already fade.. so i can pretend not to see him.. why im so stupid... thats not the solution.. i need both.. joey still can be my best friend just like my other ex.. but... im not strong enough to know that hes wif another girl..

first time i sleep at his parent house.. i ask for paper n do this
bird.. till now this bird still alive.. almost 2years..

both of them always ignore me especially joey.. didnt he ask whats wrong wif his head? said he will always love me.. pretending like im d only one.. i hate being stupid.. yan also wif other girls.. why they keep hurting me? i know its my fault.. coz when they ask me who i wanna b wif.. i always said i love both.. im so stupid.. i should forget joey.. i cant lose yan anymore.. coz i know.. althought yan didnt rich like joey, not as handsome as joey.. not mix blood like us.. cant speak english like us.. but yan keep saying.. once he have enough money.. he will propose me.. and hes really sincere..

we know each other from fb... hes older 1year from me.. at first he said hes 47.. so i keep reject him until he said hes actually 19.. first time we met he take me to many place i never seen.. for 2nd date he take me to his parents house.. n he said he wanna marry me infront of his family.. i never though bout that..

hmmm.. joey different.. i met him at 7e that i used to work before.. my manager said, "kenalkan budak baru.." n he said, "hai akak.." i said am i too old? then he say sorry.. hes really funny.. then after week he send me text.. he got my number from list number that we used to call staff.. first time we date..? at my fav burger stall..  then 2nd time he take me out for lunch.. on my birthday this year... thats only our date.. till that, his mom hate me so much...

i wish when we married we will get cute baby like this..
but im not cute like other girls.. but yan always said im
d most cutest girl he ever met.. XD
but yan.. his mom at first didnt really like me.. i know.. any girl nor women didnt like me for first impression.. thats what kuro told me.. im that type.. but everytime i sad.. i just need to draw or write sumthing.. back to sub topic.. yan mom can accept me for who i am.. she ask me to rest till im cover.. she always said, before she married wif yan dad.. she cant cook anything.. but yan dad never complaint.. but now shes a great chef... no wonder la yan never complaint bout my cooking.. but he can cook better than me.. i dont know how to manage fish n meat.. i didnt eat that... TT~TT

now im feeling better.. ^__^ ill b alright for now.. but if u can said something that would b better.. thats mean sum1 hear my heart.. =P but please never told yan bout this. coz i cant lose him anymore.. and im afraid that sumthing bad happens.. coz he said he will always love me.. and i always said.. hes mine.. so i will always be his lover.. =P when we married.. i will invite all over the world... =__= am i over? i dont think he have a big budget..

anyway im not sure tomorrow.. maybe i should not go to dato house.. why? coz my "BFF DAIDAI were TOO BUSY manage her brother friends..." hmm.. but i wanna go tomorrow.. but my mom busy wif her work.. this is the only time i can use driver... dont know if after this i can use him.. XD thats my dad driver actually.. thats why i cant use him.. if only i got driver.. hmmm... but i think i will spend a lot of time hanging at coffee shop.. everyday... not every night...

im hurt inside my deep heart..

i know.. i always pretending,.. even at fb im pretending im happy and everyone like me.. but they dont know... in my real life.. im afraid wif people.. ill try to b strong.. to b just like them.. but always fail... and they always using me in real world...  but they never know.. im always said nevermind but its not what i meant.. ao said since when i can wrote madah.. IDK what madah in english.. but if u malaysian or bruneian u should know.. actually when im still study.. my classmate n roomate always check out my note book.. coz they know where i hide my sketch and poets, n some interesting words.. n boys always tease me.. they will ask.. "are u write about us..?" or can u sketch me.. im not... ^__^

actually thats not the main thing.. im just said.. yan didnt reply my msg.. but hes flirting wif other girl.. and when others said that maybe his sis.. i dont believe it.. coz i know his family.. his sis... hmmm.. im just need sum1 to care bout me.. sum1 that will try hard for me.. sum1 that know what i wish for.. im not asking money.. i just need sum1 that will msg me asking whether im okay or not... and will msg me.. even just 1 msg for a day.. hmm.. know what... i always call yan.. but he didnt pick up.. im always worried.. am i stupid waiting for sum1 that never care bout me? but i cant stop loving him.. no one teach me how.. im just to stupid to understand the meaning of our life.. i know life isnt just about money n love.. there got family n friendship...

i know.. im being stupid n cruel to myself since im wif yan... my family not like others.. they live happily wif their family but im not.. many things happen.. everytime i remember..it seems like happy doesnt belong to me.. but im okay as long as moon, stars n tears wif me.. im okay coz everytime i cry i know.. my tears mean a long life story... the story of a girl that try to b strong.. friends? i got couple of friends.. but i didnt have anyone that i can story everything... kuro always said i cant hide anything from her.. but actually i am.. i always pretending.. n im a good actress..

hmmm... yan? hes flirting wif other girls.. thats maybe coz im stupid.. i never understand him.. but he promise me his life.. IDK.. do all boys use that word to flirt wif girl? i think boys will use that word if he really love that girl... but it seems like he never care bout me.. yan... if only u can read english.. and know my heart hurt bcoz of a guy like u... then only u will believe me.. that i really care n love u... many guys said they love me.. but i know.. they didnt really love me.. they just like the way im talking, walking... n for sure they waiting for me to get in panic.. coz i will speak whatever ithink about n make me look stupid.. then fall coz didnt watch my step..errkk.. but when wif yan i always cry for no reason..


hari ni praktis bm la plak.. since ramai kutuk tak faham pe chi cakap and type.. actually chi lagi pandai bm dr bi... tp entah la kenapa semua tak faham.. XD hmmmm... chi pwn da xblogging cam dulu... everynight got new update... ni pun typing coz x boleh tidur... im hurt inside.. i keep smiling.. but everyone thought im happy but deep inside my heart...? i hope sum1 will save me from this hurt..

lupa lagi,, malas pula nak betulkan ke bm.. so paham2 la kalau jadi bahasa rojak.. plus malaysian right? we got many lingua.. ^__^ chi tak boleh tidur... chi tak faham.. kenapa la chi ni susah sangat nak berhenti suka yan.. ramai lagi laki yang ajak chi kapel n kawen.. tapi chi tetap tunggu yan... hmmm.. he never think bout me... tadi bukak lagi inbox fb die,.. still chatting dengan perempuan2 tu.. still tag gamba-gamba perempuan tu.. and perempuan tu pun gedik.. die pun perempuan.. takkan dia tak faham perasaan chi.. ramai lagi lelaki lain.. die tu da la seksi.. sah-sah la banyak pilihan.. kenapa perlu yan?

chi sanggup tukar number phone.. sanggup block ramai kawan fb sebab die.. tapi die? tu pwn chi tringin gak join twitter cam ao n daidai... tapi nanti yan marah lagi.. kenapa la dengan hati ni.. macam dah tak de laki lain je.. penat la nak senyum.. semalam pun jiran panggil and tanya, chi wat pekak... sebab chi taw yan jeles and tak suka budak tu.. walaupun yan xnampak.. chi da cuba gak jauhkan diri dari kawan-kawan chi..

kadang2 chi doa supaya chi tak pernah belajar teori belajar mencintai orang yang mencintai kita.. sebab dulu yan selalu cuba sedaya upaya.. but now when we're together everything change..kan bagus kalau masa tu boleh di rewindkan.. so chi boleh pilih tak nak kenal yan and terus anti die macam mula2 kenal dulu.. tapi chi rasa tak sanggup.. kalau tak kenal die dulu.. chi tak kan belajar semua ni... hmmm... chi da penat asyik senyum n ketawa.. waaaa.. nape la entry ni mood sedih plak.. chat dgn joey td.. he try to speak in japanese... sweet gak.. rindu gak nak kua dgn die... but i cant.. coz yan mengamuk nanti.. cukup la dulu yan ugut nak buat macam-macam.. joey doesnt know anything.. plus please la.. die muda dr chi ok...

Time machine....

choc n candy that i serve...
huhu... everything happen in sudden.. DN keep hanging out this week... but daidai keep saying she wish ao here... and aka said.. "thats my sis.. of coz im sad too when shes not here" and today.. aka n kuro already futher their study.. hmmm... ill b alone back.. talk bout alone ill remember.. when i check yan fb acc inbox, i see their msg.. yan n ao.. he said.. plz take care me for him.. coz he know what happen to me.. i keep too many secrets that im afraid to tell anyone... to type it in blog... to write in diaries... its like keeping all those in my heart.. im just scared once they know... they will leave me..

yesterday... kuro n aka rush my home sweet home.. how dare they obey me.. =__=" so others than cake, tart n cookies...i serve candy and choc.. XD H said please do invite him to my house.. but i cant.. coz im still paranoid wif ppl... still in yesterday story.. then we go to masjid negeri.. aka said she wants to meet her friend that she never meet... i keep hiding at aka back.. (im too stupid.. im hiding but they still can see) got one akak ask me.. do u know what we gonna do today... i said im just following.. TT~TT they ask our full name, whats our weird habits... n i think im d weirdo.. coz i said.. i just want to b housewife.. n i didnt futrher my study coz im afraid n panic at crowded place.. =__=

got another story.. before yesterday.. my dad bought me my fav burger.. but i didnt walk to "that burger stall".. why? coz i see him... but when im look at back.. hes gone.. that better.. we should find our way... but my mom still hopingi got future husband that can speak well in english and soleh.. and she wish my kid will call her granny.. whats wrong if we call nenek, opah, tok, popo, or whatever it is? mom.. dont worry.. i need sum1 that can b my imam n will teach me everything... n for sure he will love me till death.. =______= ok? done~~ now time for shopping.. XD need to buy new books..

stupid lover

hidup ni tak selalu indah... hmmm.. i hate that words... why?? coz i wish thats true.. but it seems like not sometime.. but everytime.. im broken hearted just bcoz of one guy.. am i stupid? we broke up for many times... but we back together...27times if im not mistaken.. i know im stupid... no need to repeat that.. but i just cant leave him althought im suffering from his action..

yea... there got many guys out there... they said they love me.. and can give everything that i wish... but im still cant love them back.. i know its better choose sum1 that love us than love sum1.. but thats the problem... ill try that till i meet him.. i hate him coz hes playboy.. but when he said i should try date wif him.. i start to like him n fall in love wif him... yea... the right quotes for this scene "tak kenal maka tak cinta".. hmmm.. what he did? i didnt story yet? it something that i shouldnt story.. such embarassing... but one thing.. im loyal to him althought im naive... and always being fooled by him and others... but that doesnt mean he can couple wif others n do anything wrong wif other girls... im not dead yet.. FYI im not a toy... and i always love u like no others..

hmmm im the most stupid girl that keep waiting for u.. today only got 2 person asking for my phone number n ask for couple n wanna married wif me.. errrkkk.. i said no.. again... =__= why i keep waiting for u!!! TT~TT i cant b like this.. hmmm... but im sure u will change one day... n ill b d only one in ur heart till i die... oww plz dont ask am i okay... u already know... TT~TT
hmmm.. everyone got their bad n good side... and im more to bad i think.. coz keep hurting everyone around me.. i want them to care bout me.. but never understand their feeling..hmmm.. i fought wif my bro.. that make me feel like no more tomorrow.. but we getting okay back.. coz i know.. whatever happen he still my bro.. and even one of us being killed.. we will lost half our soul.. so we keep take care each other.. sorry mom coz i already involved myself in his matter n im in danger.. but not for a long time,.. coz i still can pretend like i didnt do anything.. if that make u happy mom..

now im confusing myself.. not only my bro.. but my feeling.. my love.. i know.. im back to yan.. that bcoz of u idiot!! i love u before.. i never feel like that before.. u make me in mess.. u make me waiting ur call.. everynight... but u left me after that day! i hate u but still  love u.. sorry but u too late.. im already belong to my ex aka my bf now..

Q.. he back in my life.. n now hes in my top friend.. haha.. hes my ex before.. but why should i care... niwa also my ex but turn to my best friend.. last night we didnt sleep sms each others.. and got many story.. n we talk bout fashion n much more... n also bout korean n japanese that he really crazy bout..

HH!! long time dint hear right? heeee.. hes so cute.. the other day ill sms him using my mom number.. at first he said "jgn maen2.." then i make my smiley.. n he say.. he know its me from my smiley.. =__= and he call me serigala jadian.. sengal punya mamat.. XD

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hey i just realised.. why its all bout guy? let me think bout girl... hmm... sam shes busy with her chores.. kuro still MIA... chiya n kak el... no idea what going on... hmmm.. mida.. she make me worried.. whether she ok or not.. hmm.. hopefully she ok.. n of coz b d happiest person.. hey.... chiya birthday is coming up.. what should i do? should i make a cake or buy him sumthing? hmmm... KURO!! if u see this.. i just wanna say.. i miss u.. wanna hangout? remember this mcflurry? hehe.. everyone!! know what.. even we always fought... we still best friend forever.. d best bff... since im still a kid.. we keep buying mcflurry for ourself.. n she knows every single of my tears...


miss my blog.. XD too many stories to write it off.. hmm.. i think i should talk bout my holiday!! yea.. who say kelantan such a poor state..? thats not true.. i'll go there.. and its not like what im imagine.. hehe.. sorry before this i thought kelantan was a village.. but i see.. there got many technologies, lab.. the only think i want to complaint is.. it was too hot.. and my skins turn to red.. XD and my bro said.. "adik.. naik jerawat" huaaa.. dont say that.. i know.. im allergic according to d weather... 

nasi tumpang

got another thing that surprise me.. actually i thought every girl wearing scarf.. coz i see their children wearing a scarf in their house.. so when they go for shopping they will wear wide and long scarf.. but..... errrrr... they didnt wear it and dying their hair.. so much different than what i thought.. and i make myself look stupid when i try to make my shawl cover all my body... to make i didnt look different with them.. but im still d difference when everyone at there use short scarf n free hair..

and i get excited when i see sheep for d first time.. they looks so cute.. hehe.. then i cant understand many words.. sorry... im trying to learn how to speak loghat.. but its too hard for me.. lain diajar, lain disebut.. and d best thing about kelantan is their food... first time i see nasi tumpang.. i feel awkward.. then i feel like.. can i get another one? hehe... never eat that before.. actually there got many others food... but hard to remember their name.. i stay in hotel at kota bharu.. so that night i go to wakaf che yeh.. actually i got it wwrong.. i call it sumthing different and everyone laugh.. oh please... im learning okay..

some of them are too kind.. they help others  that they dont know.. but some of them looks me like they hate me.. im not too weird right? im still human.. just i didnt looks like malay coz im mix.. so please understand.. im not foreigner.. and i didnt speak anything coz i cant speak kelantan.. if i speak in malay, u guys will reply in kelantanese.. then i cant understand..

but that morning i go to pasar that i dont know what its name.. but everything cheapest.. XD but my sweet r d expensive one.. cant get it cheaper.. and i like that pasar more than wakaf.. why? coz almost all were middle age woman.. and sum of them can b call granny.. know what.. sum of them can speak in english.. great!! XD and they promote me jeruk.. hehe.. and again.. my first time... first time i see setoi.. dont know how to spell.. 

and at there we spend rm2000++ now i know.. when we buy sumthing its look cheap.. but when we count everything.. errrk.. my money!!! i can buy new galaxy tab.. XD haha.. mine still ok.. so better not to buy anything.. save in bank and make investment.. :P

so for kelantan.. when i go there after this.. (cant sure) please.. i want more nasi tumpang.. hehe.. fall in love with that.. 

let me free..

i hate this! why im still crying? what should i do? i have to be brave..let my heart free.. and i should never end up like this.. abg yus said, he think i should go out there.. n futher study.. but i dont know why.. i said, i hate everyone.. they keep hurting me.. when i smile.. they thought im happy.. and always hurt me.. and when i cry.. they laugh coz they're win.. and im the loser..

now they scared wif me.. coz my fear cant be controled anymore.. and i just think bout what i feel.. coz im too afraid being hurt.. if once more time.. i'll be die soon.. my heart cant take it anymore.. its feel so hurt deep inside my heart.. sumtimes i feel.. death will always be better.. im too scared... what happen if i die? im not sure bout the other world.. so ill try to stay at this world.. coz i still afraid to live outside my world.. the world that i create for myself..hmm.. its ok if everyone kinda scared and want to remove me..

thanx to DN.. coz still be wif me.. altought i always scold them.. hey know what.. sumtimes.. i should go out take fresh air.. and should take my medication back.. but still afraid that i might lose all my memories.. i love my mom n grandma so much..im willing to give them any part of my body when they need it..coz they have raised me.. even so im such troubling for them.. sum1 ask me.. do i have to write everything in my diary.. yea.. i wrote it everyday and night.. but lately.. i didnt write anything.. coz i lost my precious... sum1 that i really love... im wishing for him.. stars.. please let me be wif him till the death come to me.. i need one more chances.. i didnt have enough chances..


hmmm.. now feel like crazy one... so like other day.. i keep accompany my brother.. and yan said he at my place.. and it have been week.. and he said many bad things bout me.. im wif my brother.. and he msg and said boleh berkenalan.. i know its him.. but im not sure what should i do.. then i said.. im single.. but not available.. my heart belongs to sum1 that doesnt belong to me.. if only he know how to read in english... i never said bad bout him.. but he keep insulting me.. and i just too ego to take down my pride..

i've just message wif my school friend.. they too kind.. but i keep avoiding them.. why im always like this? mida show me the real pain.. and i wish i strong enought just like her.. and sam said.. no matter what yan slander me.. she will always believe me.. she know who i am.. but she doesnt know.. i really in love with yan n joey... i wish for both.. they brought me different feeling.. but same meaning.. since yan broke my heart.. i'll choose joey 99%hmmm.. hey.. im not playing with their feeling.. i didnt couple in the same time.. =__=

why need to attack my page? i dont know why he should do that... ill try to be like he said.. but nothing.. and he keep say bad things.. but joey never ask me to do anything i hate... maybe for now.. i just cant think anything.. wanna have break.. nite.. i love him so much.. please say im sorry for make this feeling hard to understand..i wish hes mine.. but hes belong to his family.. and they wouldnt let u wif me..


cant sleep.. =___= why its only me who didnt sleep yet? wake for 3days.. then sleep for 3hours only.. am i monster or maybe alien? even monster and alien know their sleep time.. hmmm..

i hate my bro.. i'll help him a lot without saying anything... but he keep talking bad bout me.. and sumthng i didnt do.. hey.. watch ur mouth! im not playing game 24/7 like u said.. i help ur fb game highscore.. and u got no1 from thousand of ur friend.. and when u call just now, im still googling.. searching for kimono shop in malaysia.. i didnt have visa like all of u.. so i cant buy it online.. so please la.. i need to googling.. all my belongings u use without permission... then u just throw it without knowing that was my precious.. i dont wanna talk anymore.. coz u make me sick..

hmmm.. chat with sam, mie and new friend.. we talk bout morning musume.. gazette.. then bout kimono.. XD IDC.. this raya i must wear kimono.. XD

crazy day n my grandma

huh.. why i call it as crazy day? coz last night i didnt sleep coz my mom ask to ready b4 6.30am... we need to arrive ss25 before 7am.. then 7.30am from shah alam to ipoh.. my mom drive 140-160km/h... we need reach there fast... need to check my grandma.. didnt i told u before? maybe i forgot to type that..

actually my grandma got cardiomegaly.. thats mean heart swollen.. (bengkak jantung) when i look at her, i remember the time she raised me until i've got job.. then i moved out and left her.. live with my mom.. just a few month, she fall sick and cant get up.. i really miss the time we play together.. then she teach me how to paint a beautiful flower... every single flower have its own story.. and they cant b separate with my grandma.. shes must b upset since when we grow up, we always busy with our own world...

everytime i see my shirt, my bag.. i remember her.. she used to shopping with me.. she choose my shirt.. sumtime she paid for me.. im alone now... i miss my grandma.. when will u back to our home? now she stay at my aunt house.. at ipoh.. i want to say i love her just like i love my mom.. but i still cant choose any of u.. coz both of u really mean to me...

i miss my grandma..

post in n out.. XD

wow... long time didnt update my blog.. everything change.. and i dont know how to post.. XD actually more sad story than happy ending.. well.. its always happen in ur life.. if u feel sad, just remember ur not alone... im right beside u.. not beside ur BODY... beside ur heart.. coz i cant enter if u didnt open it for me..

its feel annoying when people treat u like u r his/her bestfriend but they dont even know u.. but when others that u believe in, talk bad at ur back.. its more hurt.. believe me coz i knew how it feel..
my love story? im not sure whether i've got sum1 special or not.. in this few months many things happen..

i met sum1 that make my heart race... and when i fall to him.. he let me go.. i cant understand.. who he think he is? hes the one who said will love me.. but just go when i really in love.. and every guy told the same.. but i believe what girl believe.. guy only like u when u got sumthng they want..

anyway enjoy ur day.. ^__^ and hopefully everyone will get their true love.. to my fb friend.. since sum1 try to sabotage me.. i've delete my old fb acc... but dont worry.. i've got new acc.. ^__^

Dance, dance, until I fall asleep I dance
The tears that do not stop.
Every time I close my heart, telling myself that there is nothing there, it is about to wither.
To the dream that has become thin, I sing once more.
If you will answer that sadness is only oneself, 
It's okay if I get hurt

"Good bye" is blooming on the dream that is supposed to end.


huaaa... finally.. im recover from viral fever... huhu.. pity boss and aziz.. hey! got new name for boss.. bubus.. cute right? my bro said cute too.. XD but its a great time... hmm.. coz yan visit me and brought many kinder bueno.. but now still fighting with him.. coz he didnt have time for me. tomorrow im free. hey cant he spend time? TT~TT fine.. bubus.. wanna pasta tomorrow? TT~TT huhu..

yan said im just too special from others... and he ask me to cloe my eys.. then suddenly im recover from my fever and headache... but then he ask me to do sumthng but i dont want to.. it back.. =___= ok i know.. but i cant tell it.. its too complex.. i wonder my past.. what happen before... who should i believe...

hmmm...what else?? cant remember many thing since too ong stayed at bed. but feel alone as i feel like didnt have any bestfriend.. why they didnt even try to call me.. they know i had viral fever.. its ok. yan and bubus take care me.. ^__^ ok la... time to treat myself... finally i meet the meaning of friend.. theres no point if u keep doing good to others while others forget u.. (bubus. my rm100.. ask him for me.)